“So,” he sighed, “when do I start?”
Lancer blinked at him. “A-Ah—well, the semester begins next Monday—”
“Monday?” Constantine groaned. “Bloody hell. That’s in five days.”
Principal Ishiyama cleared her throat. “We can move the start date if you require—”
“Nah, nah.” Constantine waved her off. “If I’m doin’ this, might as well rip the bandage off quick.”
Phantom beamed. “You’ll be great!”
“I’ll be grey,” John muttered. “Grey and dead before midterms.”
Maddie narrowed her eyes. “How do we know you’re qualified?”
Constantine smirked. “Lady, I’ve survived demons, curses, interdimensional wars, and three conversations with Batman. I’ll manage your teenagers.”
Jack leaned forward. “And what exactly do you plan on teaching?”
“Oh, the basics,” Constantine said casually. “Ghost safety, anti-possession measures, what to do if a portal opens in your kitchen—y’know, the usual.”
The entire PTA paled.
Phantom floated upside-down beside him. “He’s fun at parties.”
“Liar,” John muttered.
Principal Ishiyama handed him a folder. “This contains the current curriculum draft.”
Constantine flipped it open, squinted, and looked offended.
“You want me to teach what a ghost is? That’s like askin’ Batman to teach ‘What is a Batarang.’”
Phantom grinned. “You can add your own unit.”
“Oh, I will,” Constantine said. “First lesson: ‘How to Not Die Horribly.’ Required reading.”
Several parents choked again.
Flash’s voice drifted faintly through the still-open portal:
“CONSTANTINE TEACHING? PLEASE RECORD IT.”
“Shut it, Speedster!” Constantine barked.
He turned back to the room, tired but resigned.
“Alright. I’ll teach your spooky little class. But I want coffee. Strong coffee. Industrial strength.”
Lancer nodded quickly. “We… we can arrange that.”
Phantom clapped his hands. “Great! I’ll help set up your classroom—”
“No,” Constantine said instantly. “Absolutely not. Last time you ‘helped,’ I ended up trapped inside a cursed vending machine.”
Phantom blinked innocently. “Well you got out, didn’t you?”
“That’s not the point!”
0 Comments